Things That Are Better Than Other Things

Here, after years of research, the results of this comprehensive study, "Things That Are Better Than Other Things":

Trader Joes > Whole Foods

Joanna Newsom > Lady Gaga

Purple < Blue

The Atlantic > The New Yorker

Tigers < Lions

Fiction Writing > Screenwriting

Intolerance > Racism

Friends < Friends With Benefits

Friends With Benefits < Friends With Health Care Benefits

Korea > China

Printers > Copiers

Dogs > Cats

Cats > Slow Walkers

Left hand < Right Elbow

Walgreens > Right Aid

There you have it. I'm glad that this has settled all of the controversy in our world.