Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Hate February

Two Peasants Discuss How Much February Sucks

February is the worst month.  On purely basic levels, it fails.  How many days are in February?  Look at this shit.

This Calender Is Completely Correct...WHAT

28 days?  How does that happen?  December has 31 days but it can't spare one to February?  Can't we have some symmetry here?  And don't even get me started on leap years!  Goodness!  

I always, ALWAYS get messed over on dates because I forget February is so short.  It never fails, with financial aid due dates hitting March 1st, midterms, reports, taxes, all hitting around this period, all messed up because of stupid, stupid February.  

And then there's the cold, and the gray, and the snow and the water and the ice.  February is the month that provides us with a wide variety of torments.  And the getting sick but only just a little, just enough to last the short month and never give you a moments peace.  

But this year has been the worst!  

Not a single thing has gone right or smoothly!  Not just for me!  Everyone I know!  This February has been the worst February!  Who knew such a tiny month could cause so much pain?   

FUCK YOU, FEBRUARY.   

...But let's move on.  

Let's talk about March.  
Beautiful, green, March.  Bring us Sun, bring us warmth.  Bring us the Daffodil, your flower.  And 31 days.  

This March is going to be the best March.  

I can feel it.  

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dear Facebook,


Please tone it down with these hypothetical letters to non-human entities.  There is not a moment that I believe that you are actually writing a real letter on your Facebook status, nor do I believe that the creature that you have created in your mind that reads the letter actually exists to read it.  I do not believe that Microsoft is a being.  I do not believe the Weather can read your letter.  It's just not possible.

Also, if they actually did exist to receive your letters, if the Universe allowed such terror to come to be, if they actually came to consciousness, and breathed the same air as we, and experienced the pain that comes from life and death, the letters that they would receive from you would be incredibly rude and thoughtless.  They've already struggled enough just to be, and you're giving them shit?  What the fuck?  Don't we all make mistakes?  Do you write letters to everyone that has a bad day?

Please do not take offense.  I love you and need you, Facebook, and am guilty writing these letters myself.  I even wrote to Philadelphia on this very blog, and it shames me to think of what would have happened if Philadelphia had actually read what I have written.  All I'm asking is that we show a little courtesy and restraint.  Thank you.

Sincerely,

Timothy Moore