Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Faster, Cheaper Way to Kill You

See this video:



See the U.S. Navy fire practice rounds from this Electromagnetic Railgun. Hear the rattle as the weapon is fired, via computer. Watch in slow-motion the velocity of the projectile as it flies at several times the speed of sound. See the waves? Bullet Time. Like the Matrix.

The Electromagnetic Railgun uses magnets instead of explosives. The projectiles weigh 40 pounds, much less than the pathetic missiles used in today's arsenal. A Electromagnetic Pulse is used to shoot the projectile out of the barrel at up to 5,000 miles per hour. Fox News says as far as 100 nautical miles in five minutes.

Adm. Matthew Klunder, Chief of Naval Research says, "This is the stuff you saw in movies a couple of years ago -- cutting edge, taking out the Transformers -- and now it's reality."

This Electromagnetic Railgun will be cheaper than the current comparable weaponry and will be easier to transport and to kill. Eventually, they will build a Electromagnetic Railgun that will fire as far as 200 nautical miles to accompany Naval vessels.

I could shoot you in Indianapolis, Indiana all the way from Chicago, Illinois with the Electromagnetic Railgun. I wouldn't have to see you or know who I have shot. I could do it on my laptop. Like Halo. Like Call of Duty. You wouldn't even know what hit you. You would think: "What is that?" Not even that. You would only have time to think: "Wh-".

Give it time. Someday, the U.S. Navy will build an Electromagnetic Railgun that will shoot a magnetic projectile at 100,000 miles per hour. The projectile will shoot over 21,000 nautical miles, once around the circumference of the Earth. The projectile will kill anyone in its path. Fortunately, we will have lined up all of the bad guys in a straight line around the Earth, and the single projectile will kill every single last one of them, taking their heads clean off, for very cheap.

The projectile will encircle the Earth, slaughtering thousands, while we sit at our computers. We won't have to see any of it, gross. Just watch Portlandia on Netflix instead.

After the projectile has killed all of the bad guys, the projectile will collide with the very Electromagnetic Railgun that fired it, which is the only way to stop the momentum of this magnetic bullet.

By then, someone will have already developed a better Electromagnetic Railgun. This one will shoot a projectile that will encircle the entire planet at a million miles per hour. No one could hide from such a weapon. Like Star Wars, someone will say. Like a mini Death Star.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Wait, What do you Meme?

I've just discovered Memes a little bit ago. Do you know what I meme? Hahahaha - but ANYWAY, I think I figured out what they're all about! So I made a bunch! Read them, friend!








I am so internet savvy! Check out memegenerator and make some for yourself!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

in defense of the MFA in creative writing


I've recently read yet another blog furthering the debate against creative writing MFA's. I find it so interesting that there is so much written about the inadequacies of this graduate degree. Though the inadequacies vary from article to article, they usually consist of these key points:

1. The MFA is essentially worthless.
2. There are so many more writers out there than positions to give them (academic or otherwise).
3. The issue of funding.
4. Again: Too many writers!

I know I am not fully funded (though I am paying for the cheapest MFA in Chicago, as far as I know). I found this particular piece written in HTMLGIANT full of good points, but failing in one major degree.

MOST WRITERS IN MFA PROGRAMS KNOW THE FACTS, JACK. 

Now, I'm sure there are some that enter MFA programs naive or arrogant regarding the interest in their work and hypothetical future profession. But I haven't met anyone like that. We know the improbability of financial success. The possibility of adjunct positions, or far less, in our near futures. We know that there are too many people out there who want to be writers. We know, of course, about the debt we are accumulating.

OBVIOUSLY I'd rather get fully funded in my studies. But I'd rather be in a city that has readings and literary events almost every freaking day. That has a writing community I can get involved in. I'd love a guarantee at job placement, or the promise that everyone will love my book and buy three copies of my book, or that my book will even get published. Wouldn't that be great?


And I do appreciate the concern that these articles address. They say things like, "Don't get your MFA if you are not fully funded." OR: "The MFA is not an essential degree." Thanks, really.

But I'm happy with my MFA studies. I've read writers I never would have otherwise. I've met lifelong friends that love writing and love talking about writing. I've been given the time to read and write the most I ever have in my life. And I've had some damn good professors who have taught me tools I would never have learned.

The MFA may not be essential in practicality, but it has been essential for my writing life, when I was so close to losing what I so loved doing.

HERE'S THE FACT THAT IS NOT CONSIDERED ENOUGH, JACK:

I am getting my MFA in creative writing because I want to get my MFA in creative writing. I believe it will help in forming the life that I want. And nothing anyone can say, no matter how factual or practical or entirely logical would ever have swayed me to do differently. I believe many entrenched in the MFA feel the same way. There are problems with the MFA, yes, GOD, there are problems. But there is a lot of good, too.

I guess that's my main point. I think my debt will be worth it. Maybe that is stupid. But don't think I'm too stupid to know about what I've gotten myself into, MFAHATERBLOGWRITERPERSON.