Friday, March 9, 2012

Questions I had about Sex Immediately After Learning about Sex and shown diagrams during Sex Education

Wait, wait, wait, what?

Where am I supposed to put this? I put this into that? And then what am I supposed to do while my this is in that? 

Someday, when you really love a person...

Ew. What? Until what? And I have to put that thing on this and then put this into that until this excretes...that other thing.

...how much comes out? There are MILLIONS of them? 


...are they alive?

Now, now listen. How am I even supposed to fit this into that? I didn't even know that existed for...this. 

And won't it hurt? I can't imagine putting this into that and it not hurting for both parties.


Why are the lions wrestling?!

What if I do it wrong? I don't know, what if I put this in the wrong that? It could happen. Could I break this? Could I break that? What if that thing falls off while this is in that? WHAT IF THIS GETS STUCK IN THAT! What if I do it so much that that other thing keeps coming out and it won't stop, millions of them, gross, hungry, alive, coming out of this...


Why'd I even have to know this? Not this, you know, this whole thing. It. I didn't have to know right now. And now, I'll probably always think about it. How can I not? This is the worst.

I'm not going to do it. 

I'll want to? Yeah right.