Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Yahoo Sports Columnist Chris Chase Is Totally Right, United States Is Leading In 'Real' Medals! Also: F*ck China! Right? USA! USA!

The Olympics! Brought to you by Euro Socialists and Communists!
Did you read the latest Chris Chase article yet?! He is totally right! China is not at all leading countries in medals. I mean, technically, yes, they have the most medals, okay? like 73 to America's 70, but they totally don't have the REAL medals, the ones that REALLY matter! America would completely annihilate China if the Euro-slime Olympic committees had any real decency!

If you haven't read this article already (and what's wrong with you? why haven't you read it!), Chris Chase correctly posits that we, Americans, would be leading in medals if you counted the correct sports, i.e: where winners are determined on the field of play and not by judges!  Like basketball! Not those shit "sports" like gymnastics, diving, trampoline, or judo (judo - psh, of course China would gobble up that f*cking medal, right?).

Flipping in the air three, four times? Psh. Add a defensive lineman in the mix and maybe I'll call it a sport!
So anyway, when you calculate this way, the correct way, America is totally winning in the medals! By the score of 59 to China's pitiful 53! Yes! We're number one! We're number one!

If there is anything that Chris Chase is not doing right it's that he doesn't go far enough! America is totally getting screwed over! Can you imagine if the Euro-fascists let football, I mean REAL football into the Oylmpics?!

We would annihilate China in REAL football! Look how small their arms are!
WE WOULD KILL CHINA IN REAL FOOTBALL! It would be embarrassing and they know it so that's why it'll never happen!

So I say to China: stop hiding behind your judges!! If they would just let Michael Phelps do track and field and tennis we would have all the gold medals!

Also: you like freaking genetically alter your athletes or whatever and we never do that so they should really take like five medals away just for that!
And also um - they're communists! And they have more people, like a billion at least!, so when you count how many medals Per capita, by scale and such, we would have that many more medals - like one hundred more at least!

We are the best country! Number One!
No matter how you look at it America is still on top - okay, except in the actual medal count, which is fraudulent and shouldn't even be counted anyway, so whatever, f*ck those guys, if we had like an ass-kicking competition we would win a dozen more gold medals! Countries would be giving us their gold medals out of fear!, as well they should! 


  1. okay Tim. You've developed nicely. Well done. Nicely refined humor & wit. You must be working hard at it, you've grown a lot in the last year.

    1. Thanks so much, Jerome! And thanks for reading!!