|Picture this, except burnt!|
|Use something like this!|
Put that oven on high, friend. Wait until that oven burner gets that lava color for maximum efficiency. Because the hotter the burner the faster your frozen fillet will cook, you dummy!
Throw the fillet onto your pan!
|You used this last time you cooked something!|
Your salmon, at this point, will have bits stuck onto the pan. Use your spatula to scratch off these black bits and sprinkle them delicately on top of the fillet. That'll be your garnish!
Now: take a bite of your concoction! Strangely, you've managed to cook the fillet to a point that the outside is burnt but the inside is completely raw.
Consider: your life. How have you managed to live this long? Question your ability to prolong your life and father children and somehow keep them alive too. Think about that cute girl on OkCupid who didn't respond to your message, because somehow she knew that you couldn't even cook a fillet.
After the self-loathing, consider throwing out the fillet. But then remember the Nuwave Infrared Oven that your parents, at significant expense, purchased and mailed to you to avoid any incidents of burning of kitchens and dying.
|Otherwise called, by your so-called friends, "The Cancer Machine"|