Monday, February 18, 2013

Mmm...I love Popsicles!!

I wanna eat all of these popsicles!!
I looooovvveee popsicles! I love blue ones and green ones and red ones and purple ones! I love it when there are popsicles connected together and then you pull them apart and your one popsicle becomes two!

Did you ever drop a popsicle?! I HATE that! When I do that, I'm usually like, "How am I gonna eat that popsicle now?" but then I just get another popsicle and I eat that one!

Popsicle is a trademark! If you spell popsicle lowercase your computer will tell you that it's spelled wrong because it should be capitalized always, because it's trademarked and also because they're so wonderful or whatever!

Everyone is happier with a Popsicle! (Capital P)

Look at this kid! He freaking loves Popsicles! 
If you give a man a fish, he'll eat fish for a day. If you give a man a Popsicle, he'll be like, "Thanks, dude! I freaking love eating Popsicles!" But tomorrow he'll starve.

Anyway, isn't it weird how sticky Popsicles get if you let them melt? I never thought they'd be sticky, but sometimes they get sticky!

If you try to make Popsicle plural, like "Popsicles", your computer will say that it's spelled wrong. There is no Popsicles - there was one Popsicle that they cut into long pieces and put on sticks! Don't you get it?! We're all sharing the same Popsicle!!

I haven't eaten a Popsicle in like a year! I was just thinking about them the other day!

The Popsicle was invented by Doug F. Popsicle in 2003!

No one has ever seen a Popsicle without eating a Popsicle right after (usually the very same Popsicle that they originally saw)!

If someone gave me the choice between a Popsicle and a plate of sushi I'd take the sushi! But not because I've lied and don't really like Popsicle(s) (why would I do that, dummy?!) but because sushi is healthier and a better meal and hard to pass up! Right?!

I freaking love sushi!! 
If I could talk to a Popsicle, I'd say, "Hey, you're so tasty!" And the Popsicle would be like, "I'm alright." And then I would eat them! And they'd be like, "Nooooooooo!!!" while I ate them!

I've mentioned fish twice already! I think I might love fish more than I love the Popsicle! I don't know!

New Popsicle Flavors: Pizza, Taco, Vanilla, Miso Soup, Fish, Strawberry!

I bet Obama loves Apple flavor Popsicle(s)! Or maybe Orange!

They should make every Thursday Popsicle Day and give us all a Popsicle! Why don't they do that?! Wait, who's they?!?

I wish I had a Popsicle but I don't yet! Maybe I will later! But anyway! Enjoy your life!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Regarding my Debt

Now that I owe ABSURD AMOUNT, an amount that I can never ever pay off (ever), I have a new perspective on life, eternity, etc.

Should I name my Debt? If something is going to stay with you your whole life, shouldn't you name it?

When I date a girl, when do I have to tell her that I owe UNTHINKABLE AMOUNT? Is it like an STD (Sexually Transmitted Debt)? Is having Debt worse than Chlamydia? Or about the same?

Considering my OH MY GOD Debt, I have to come to terms that I will always owe. Even if I make (reasonable amount) in my lifetime, the INSURMOUNTABLE will be there, only growing.

When I picture my Debt I imagine:

"Hi, I'm Tim's Debt! Nice to meet you!" 
Now that I owe LAUGHABLE AMOUNT can I buy a home? How could I have spent so much money on one thing and not be able to live in it?

Can I pass on to my future children the Debt? Can I take them on a mountaintop and say, "All of this is yours?" and give them the bill? Can an inheritance be in the negative?

I want to do a Kickstarter where I ask people to pay my Debt. When someone contributes $100 dollars, I'll send them a note saying, "Thanks for paying my Debt." When someone contributes $1,000 dollars, I'll send them a note saying, "Thanks for paying my Debt." $5 dollars gets you nothing, though I will still take the money.

Here's the deal: My whole generation has been trained to go to college no matter what. So we went to college no matter what. Debt is an inevitability. Debt is our new constant. Debt will outlive most marriages, any one of your pets, and probably the polar ice caps.

What will become of a generation that invests in Debt instead of homes and cars?

I seriously want to know where all of this is going.

If I could hold my Debt it would be more real to me. BUT if I could hold my Debt it would weigh as much as a:

Believe me, Neutron Stars weigh A LOT. 
I will never pay off my FOREVER Debt. I have realized that. Now comes understanding. Acceptance. And finding ways to pay as little as possible until my Debt outlives me.

Friday, February 1, 2013

On Internet Shaming and Being Caught

I know, right? 
The story that has gone viral: Pastor in a group of eight, angered at being required to tip at a St. Louis Applebee's, writes snarky note on receipt: see picture above. Waitress shows waitress friend, who posts it online, it becomes viral on places like Reddit. Pastor is harassed by vengeful Internet, waitress who took the photo is fired, everyone's angry. Poor, Poor Applebee's. 

"How did we get into this mess!"
This is the story today. If you go on Yahoo, you'll see comments like this, "[The Pastor] suffered 'a lapse in character and judgment' only because she was caught", getting over 1,000 thumbs up. Key word: caught. Let's get back to that.  

But first:

It's the Classic Twitter "Asshole" feed
Posting about assholes with their racist tweets is now common. After viewing these atrocities at 140 characters, swarms cry injustice and flood their twitter pages with anti-racist platitudes.

This is the world with the Internet. This is where people can find justice, a voice against the cruel.

And honestly, a part of me feels good about seeing assholes being called out and harassed. And then there's that other part of me.

The Internet is a mob. The mob. A fair, increasingly judgmental mob.

Not exactly this, but close
They are willing and ready to pounce. If you do wrong, they will shame you TO DEATH.

Is everyone really comfortable with this?

Now let me ask you this: have you ever done or said something that you now regret? Doesn't even have to be racist or entitled.

Oh right, I forgot who I was talking to. I meant one of your friends, they are the ones  that have done bad and regret!
I know I have.

Now picture the Internet, capital "I", finding out what you did. What will now happen to YOU.

The Internet won't take your bullshit and excuses. They don't know a single thing about you, only what you've done, and maybe some videos that you posted on Youtube. And because of what you did, anything done to you will be justified. Because you are filth. Even lower then the lowest. You're just upset that the Internet caught you. Key word here: Caught. 1,000+ thumbs up. The Pastor was caught. By us.

We don't need a Big Brother. We don't need a brutal theocracy. We now have the Internet.

Cower under its just will or simmer with rage in the vast crowd. Feel the relief, the safety. We are a part of it, this glorious beast.

Until we too, are caught.