Tuesday, May 21, 2013

30 Things That Will Happen To You Before Your 20's Are Over And You're 30, And Other Numbers That Will Make You Read This, Inspired By Thought Catalog

Being in your 20's means readings lists about being in your 20's
1. When you wake up one morning you'll want to stay in bed for the rest of the day, but you'll be like, no, I should get up and then you will! But it'll be like 10:00 and you'll think that your day is wasted already, but you still get things done, mostly.

2. You'll buy groceries at the store and when you get home you'll remember that you forgot to buy something that you meant to.

3. You'll love someone but they won't love you.

4. You'll pay a bill monthly, probably rent or some utility.

5. You'll watch a music video on Youtube and you'll really like it and post it on a friend's Facebook wall but they won't respond with even a "like" and you'll wonder if you've made some terrible mistake.

6. You'll love someone but they'll turn out to be a Popsicle.

7. You'll live in the city, or in the suburbs, or on some farmland, or the mountains, or maybe on a boat.

8. Numbered lists are fun and informative and easily digestible!

9. You'll try to go to a favorite website but you'll accidentally type one letter wrong and you'll go to the wrong website, and you'll say "Damn it" and quickly retype the correct website address.

"I love reading about being in my 20's, especially when there are lists!"
10. Your 10 favorite numbers will be:

         1. 10
         2. 19
         3. 7
         4. 42
         5. 0
         6. 666
         7. 6
         8. 10 - I mean, 3
         9. 30%
        10. Infinity

11. You'll love someone but they love you too.

12. You'll apply for a job and get really annoyed that they haven't called you back in a month. When they eventually call you two months later, you'll already have a job and won't even remember that you applied.

13. You'll lose something but eventually will find it somewhere in your apartment/house/boat.

14. You'll commit a murder that you feel is justified (a corrupt and evil business tycoon) and cover up the crime perfectly and no one will catch you or even suspect that it was you, but it was you, you are a murderer with a dark black heart.

15. You'll probably go swimming once in your 20's. Come on, are you allergic to water or something?!

Probability says you'll probably swim in your 20's, maybe twice!
16. You'll get lost in the city and smart phones haven't been invented yet so it takes you a little bit to get your bearings and find your way home.

17. Your five favorite subjects will be:

         1. Any List About Being In Your 20's, including:
             1. 5 Lies You Tell Yourself When You're In Your 20's
             2. 4 Lovers You'll Love In Your 20's
             3. 3 Ways To Know You're Still In Your 20's
             4. 2 Facts About Your 20's That Will Make You Wish You Were 30
             5. 1 More List About Your 20's Because It's Fun To Read About You Being In Your 20's
         2. Astronomy
         3. (SEO)
         4. How Much You Hate Hipsters
         5. How Much You Hate Twilight, Justin Bieber, And Just Don't Get Kpop

18. You'll love someone, but remember that secret corrupt businessman you murdered? Yeah, you've just found out that he was her/his uncle.

19. You'll think, God, 30 is really old. And then you're fucking 30.

20. You'll have a conversation with your friends about some old Nickelodeon show and you'll bond over that and sing or hum the theme song together, saying that modern cartoons suck.

21. You'll love REO Speedwagon for like a week. You won't know why and you won't like them ever again, not even when you're in your 30's and fucking old.


22. Someone, somewhere, will get married.

23. You'll wake up really early and think you can get a lot done, but then you fall back asleep almost immediately and wake up three hours later, late instead! Don't you hate that?!

24. You'll run out of milk in an inopportune moment.

25. Everyone you know will have a bike and will keep talking about their bikes but you never really learned how to ride a bike because when you were a kid you lived in freaking Alaska (that's what you'll tell them but you're secretly using that as an excuse for your poor motor skills [but they don't know that or about that murdered businessman] no one can know ever you go to grave not telling a soul [either] secret).

26. You'll eat some pizza and love it but get a little sick later and regret eating so much pizza!

27. Omitted

28. You'll be like, being in my 20's is hard!! And you'll read a list about being in your 20's.

29. I should have made a smaller list.

30. I know about that businessman you murdered.