Saturday, May 25, 2013

Anonymous Secret Confessions From The Writer Of This Blog, Whoever That May Be, I Don't Know...(Or Do I?)

Forgive me, Father, for I am Tim.
Don't tell anyone, okay? These confessions are between you and me (friend). Okay. Here goes! 

I'm the most vain person I know. If I don't see a reflection of myself at least once every hour, I get anxious. Good thing is I'm really cute 90% of the time. 

If you're cute and a girl I've probably had a crush on you (sorry). 

I don't even know who this is, but she's cute so I like her!
If I'm not good at something, I'll usually just stop doing it. This philosophy has prevented me from learning how to ride a bike, tie my shoes properly, or read until the third grade. 

When I'm sad, I'll watch clips of "Whose Line Is It Anyway", especially the "Sound Effects" and "Narrate" games. I'll sometimes do this for hours at a time (don't tell anyone). 

I am so cute! I freaking love that about me! 

People think that because I don't get mad often, not a lot bothers me. Confession! This is not true. The problem is that I'm impatient and get annoyed very easily. I hold back, probably more then I should, because I can't get mad all the time, right?! 

Gah! I'm annoyed because you're wasting my time but I won't say anything because I have to function in a modern American society! 
If I met you and you're a human, I've probably wanted to be your friend (sorry). 

I try to do the right thing, I really do. But sometimes I do the wrong thing with relative ease. 

Seeing a dog or cat will put a smile on my face. But having a pet myself feels tantamount to a 15 year prison sentence.  

I've been perpetually almost-sick for about four years now. 

Anytime I meet someone I admire I clam up because I'm only thinking, "Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. You're fucking this up." 

I'm a little bummed right now. Here's a "Whose Line" video!


When I was a kid, I spoke only to my sister. I would whisper in her ears, afraid that someone would hear me. I've often thought that I was born with the determination to take as little space as possible. I would navigate to corners and ask for nothing, not even of my parents. I lived to be a bother to no one, always. 

Does anyone have a mirror I can borrow? 

The human body is disgusting to me, sometimes. Pooping is gross! Why do people like butts when poop comes out of them?! 

Shh. Don't tell anyone but I'm really confident in my writing and hair. I'm not confident with my motor skills, having long meaningful conversations, or getting a fulfilling job. 

It's hard for me to hate people because, somehow, they always give me something to like about them: a smile, a moment of weakness, etc. 

I love watching people cry sometimes. Sometimes I'll just search in YouTube: "Crying" and I'll watch videos of people crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

I love moments like this! Crying is the best!
I believe in reincarnation (a born Buddhist) but also ghosts. I love ghost hunting shows, UFO shows, monster hunting shows. I want to believe in all of it. I want it all to be real. 

Please don't tell anyone that I'm just spilling my guts here, all over your hardwood floor. 

Truthfully, I'm stressed about life and money and my debt, but I don't think I've ever been this happy, ever.  

I do miss you though. 

Seriously, how do I look right now?