Eleven Things Oscar Wilde Would Have Said If He Had Lived Longer & Tried Harder

“Time heals all wounds. Except decapitation. Nothing heals that sh*t. Yet.” - Oscar Wilde, at the San Francisco World's Fair, 1917

“I have created a meal between breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. It’s called blinner. I’m eating it now.” - Oscar Wilde, visibly intoxicated as he ate a baguette in a french diner, 1922 

“You know what I mean, jellybean? You know. You knew the whole time.” - Oscar Wilde, before he ate a lime green jelly bean outside of St. Paul's Cathedral, 1947

“Laughter makes the best medicine, sure. You know what else makes good medicine? Medicine.” - Unknown, Oscar Wilde probably (date and location unknown) 

"I think I'll just get some apples or whatever." - Oscar Wilde, when asked by his cousin, Bo, what he wanted to buy at the South Hampton Farmer's Market, 1953

“Sex scenes are hard to write and even harder to perform.” - Oscar Wilde, while riding a mare, 1914 

“Do you use a lexicon or a lexican’t?” - Oscar Wilde, visibly intoxicated as he berated a tourist at the Danube Promenade in Budapest, 1933

“We hear you, Carl. You’re a libertarian. Government bad. People good. WE GET IT.” - Oscar Wilde, calling out Carl at his monthly Marcel Proust book club, 1974 

“I feel like Chinese tonight, and I don’t mean the food! Get it?! I want to have sexual intercourse with a Chinese person.” - Oscar Wilde, when asked what he wanted for blinner, 1967

‎"Hey, Edgar Allen Poe, do you want to hang out sometime? No? Oh, okay, it's cool. Just let me know if. You know, whatever." - Oscar Wilde, speaking briefly with Edgar Allen Poe at a bar in Brockton, Massachusetts, 1905

‎"I don't like it when people use my quotes just to make themselves seem smarter or more literate. Do not quote me. I repeat, DO NOT QUOTE ME." - Oscar Wilde, 1907