Saturday, November 8, 2014

Some Non-Linear Reflections on Tom Cruise Science Fiction Movies


Tom Cruise fights Tom Cruise in the desert after realizing he's one of many Tom Cruise. We want to root for our Tom Cruise, but also cringe at seeing Tom Cruise, any Tom Cruise, in pain. Tom Cruise fights Tom Cruise and a gun is discharged, Tom Cruise's lover: shot by mistake. The old maxim, we realize, is true. When Tom Cruise fights Tom Cruise, everyone loses.

Tom Cruise loses his son when aliens attack. Not to death, Tom Cruise's son literally runs away from him. If you were Tom Cruise's son, would you leave Tom Cruise? No, you would not leave Tom Cruise. The film stretches believability.

I am aware that Tom Cruise practices Scientology.

Tom Cruise's face is disfigured in a horrible car accident. We do not want to believe that Tom Cruise can be disfigured, so we follow Tom Cruise in Tom Cruise's quest to re-figure Tom Cruise's face. That is 70% of the movie, but we care just as much as Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise wears a mask but if I needed a mask it would be Tom Cruise.


Tom Cruise fighting drones. Drones cannot hit Tom Cruise. Drones disintegrate everyone in Tom Cruise's vicinity but will not disintegrate Tom Cruise. The bullets miss Tom Cruise by mere inches but of course the drones are doing this on purpose. The Drones: "We cannot kill Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise can never die."

Tom Cruise gets his Tom Cruise eyes taken out of his Tom Cruise head. The Tom Cruise eyes are placed in a bag and can be used to open doors at the plot's convenience. Is Tom Cruise still Tom Cruise without Tom Cruise eyes? If I surgically implant Tom Cruise eyes into my head will I be Tom Cruise? Phillip K. Dick asks the important questions.

I have not seen Tom Cruise's Edge of Tomorrow yet. I regret that every day.


Tom Cruise flying Olga Kurylenko over mountains. Tom Cruise can not be killed. Tom Cruise shoots drones out of the sky and Tom Cruise crashes, but, don't worry, Tom Cruise is okay. It's like a video game, Tom Cruise's life. Tom Cruise and Olga Kurylenko crash into the desert. Tom Cruise finds the other Tom Cruise. No one wins.

Tom Cruise is called Jack, John, Cage, Ray, David, Jack again, but his name is Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise fights Tim Curry. Tom Cruise sends Tim Curry into the void but Tim Curry can never truly be destroyed. Tom Cruise knows this. And now, so do we.


Tom Cruise finds his son's murderer, or so Tom Cruise thought. He was not the murderer, and Tom Cruise realizes this after deciding not to murder him, even though it's foreseen that Tom Cruise murders his son's not-murderer, but then the not-murderer pushes Tom Cruise's gun into him and makes Tom Cruise murder him (the not-murderer), which proves that no matter what you do, Tom Cruise is inevitable.

Tom Cruise kills Tim Robbins because Tom Cruise thinks Tim Robbins is creepy and aliens. Tom Cruise's daughter is scared so Tom Cruise has to do what Tom Cruise has to do, and that's kill Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins invited Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise's daughter into his home, but Tom Cruise kills Tim Robbins. Tom Cruise is not a murderer, Tom Cruise is just the killer of Tim Robbins.

Tom Cruise loves Penelope Cruz. Tom Cruise loves Olga Kurylenko. Tom Cruise loves Jessica Capshaw. Tom Cruise loves Mia Sara. Tom Cruise loves Emily Blunt. Tom Cruise loves Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise in every Tom Cruise Science Fiction Movie. He is the same Tom Cruise, always.


Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman fly to the spaceship, in space. The spaceship is full of Tom Cruise, millions of Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman intend to blow up all of Tom Cruise. This cannot happen, but it must: Tom Cruise is the only one who can kill Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman hold down the nuclear detonator together, they annihilate each other and Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman die, and all the millions of Tom Cruise die, they're all dead.

Tom Cruise in Edge of Tomorrow always dies and comes back. I haven't seen Edge of Tomorrow. I realize that.

Tom Cruise gives Max von Sydow a chance to kill Tom Cruise but Max von Sydow kills Max von Sydow because only Tom Cruise can kill Tom Cruise.

Olga Kurylenko, bleeding. Picture it. Tom Cruise fought Tom Cruise in the desert and Olga Kurylenko is the one that is shot. Tom Cruise cancelled out Tom Cruise. That's the only explanation.


Tom Cruise kills Tom Cruise after Tom Cruise can't get back Tom Cruise's face, but Tom Cruise is alive in the machine and brought back in the future, outliving everyone in death. Tom Cruise is the resurrection.

Tom Cruise annihilates Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman and millions of Tom Cruise. How is this possible? It is not possible. Look, in the clearing, Olga Kurylenko. There is Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise can never die.